An Authentic Expression of What Anthony Bourdain Meant to Me
I aspire to write with the clarity and personality that Bourdain had.
Why are all the greatest writers tortured in one way or another? Prolific writers like Ernest Hemingway, Hunter S. Thompson, and F. Scott Fitzgerald are known for their craft and excesses. Does the art create the excess or does the excess create the art? The greats used their art to make sense of themselves and the world around them. This is especially true for my favorite writer: Anthony Bourdain.
This past June 8th marked five years since his tragic passing. Learning about his passing is burned into my brain. I turned on NPR like I do most mornings to do my daily stretches. The news broke that he had passed and I didn’t believe it—or more like I didn’t want to believe it. I was devastated like everyone else. In the five years he’s been gone I often reflect on Bourdain’s legacy and the work he left behind. As I was preparing to write this piece, I was amazed by how much he inspired and influenced me.
I first discovered Anthony Bourdain in 2009 shortly after I returned from living in Mexico City. I was in college at Utah Valley University, away from my family, my friends, and I felt alone. I would finish my classes in the early afternoon and watch his show before I started studying. I became addicted to his candor and narration in each episode. The way he described a city, a dish, or a person was so authentic. Shortly after discovering his show, I began to consume everything he had created. That’s when I read Kitchen Confidential.
I am not a chef or even a half-decent cook. But that doesn’t matter because Kitchen Confidential is a raw professional memoir about the underbelly of high-end restaurants. What attracted me most to Bourdain’s writing was his vulnerability. He opened himself to the world in a way that I could never imagine doing. He was a misfit among other misfits—somebody I could relate with all too well.
I’ve never been the type of person to go with the flow. I always seem to be swimming against the current of life. If everybody is going one way then I’ll make sure to go in the opposite direction. I can’t help it, it’s just who I am. I hated this personality trait as a child because it always got me into unnecessary trouble. But now I’m in my 30s, and have lived some life, I view it as my greatest gift. I have an innate ability to suss out bullshit whenever I see or smell it. Being a contrarian has its perks because it forces me to be the most authentic version of myself.
Anthony Bourdain was a misfit and an outsider until he wasn’t. You can see how much he struggled with his fame in the last seasons of Parts Unknown. He was self-deprecating, which made him seem all-the-more human. The documentary Roadrunner about his life goes into the topic deeper in the most tragic way. How could fame and fortune on that scale not affect you? I know I’d struggle if millions of people suddenly wanted to know me after living in obscurity for most of my life.
I can’t fathom the kind of success Bourdain had. I don’t actively seek it out but to be honest, I don’t think he did either. And that’s what made him so great. I believe he sought out truth in everything he did. You may not have agreed with everything he did or said. I know I didn’t. But he was an original person with a unique view of the world. He inspired millions of people to pursue their authentic selves. I wouldn’t have started writing had it not been for him.
Do you have to be a tortured person to create something beautiful and worthwhile? No. I don’t believe you do. But I do think you have to be authentic to who you are. I’ll be the first to admit that writing these articles every week isn’t easy. Being vulnerable and showing myself to the world is scary. I do know that if I don’t express myself in a creative and constructive manner then I’ll be miserable.
I highly recommend spending time with Anthony Bourdain’s work if you haven’t. I would start by reading Don’t Eat Before Reading This, which was the unsolicited article he submitted to The New Yorker. Kitchen Confidential is the book he wrote after his New Yorker article garnered him notoriety. But any episode of No Reservations or Parts Unknown is fantastic. I believe consuming Bourdain’s work will inspire you to be the most authentic version of yourself. I think he summed it up best when he said that "If you're a writer, particularly if you're a writer or a storyteller of any kind, there is something already kind of monstrously wrong with you."
I miss Anthony Bourdain and I can only imagine what he would have said and created in the past five years. His absence has left me to search for other authentic voices who view the world as he did. I’ve read dozens of new authors and watched great travel shows but nobody compares to him. I aspire to write with the clarity and personality that Bourdain had.
As always, thank you for your attention.