My oldest son started kindergarten last week. He was excited to go back to school all summer. He was in a pre-kindergarten school last year and loved it. He made lots of friends and adored his teacher. My wife and I figured he would coast into kindergarten with no problems. Boy, oh boy, were we wrong in assuming that it would be a cakewalk for him.
So It Begins
After our family’s ambitious summer road trip, we got down to business getting our son ready for school. My wife being the rock that she is, took care of his entire to-do list. He had a new backpack, new clothes, loads of supplies, and a fully-funded lunch account. We went to the new student orientation and he loved touring the school, seeing lots of kids, and playing on the playground.
The night before the first day of school, I asked him who he wanted to take him to school. He requested that I drive him to school. Great! I then asked him what car he’d like to be driven in. He replied with “The 911.” Even better! After he went to bed, I stuffed his car seat into the back of the 911 and safely secured it.
The next day we woke up early enough to get ready and arrive with plenty of time before class started. We set off and I could see him beaming in the back seat through the rearview mirror. We made it to the school and parked so I could walk him to class, which the school graciously offers on the first day.
My son skipped from the car to his classroom door. No tears were shed. There was zero trepidation involved. If anybody was sad, it was me. I felt a distinct feeling of being old as I walked back to my car because I remember my first day of school.
I returned home and happily reported to my wife that the handoff had gone as well as possible. Aren’t I such a great dad?! **gag**
Back to School Blues
Our son returned home from school with a less-than-favorable impression of his first day. He complained that school was too busy. He didn’t say anything else but clearly didn’t enjoy himself. My wife and I assured him that school would get better and that new things take time.
He droned all evening about how he wasn’t going back to school. It was the last thing he said before drifting off to sleep. He woke up the next morning with the same mindset—no more school. My wife and I had to practically drag him to the car after we fought to get him ready. On the car ride to school, he kept telling me that he wasn’t going to get out. We took our place in the drop-off line and when it was our turn, he refused to get out. He held onto anything and everything to make sure I couldn’t extract him from the vehicle.
I had to exit the line and park so the drop-off teacher and I could convince him out of the car. After that failed, I had to grab him and carry him to the front door of the school. He proceeded to scream and cry about how much he hated school. A teacher inside of the school saw what was happening and met me at the door where she reassured him everything would be fine. I said goodbye and headed home.
My wife asked how the drop-off went and I replied “Not good.” He returned home that day with the same feeling toward school. He didn’t like it. But we were receiving conflicting messages because the photos his teacher sent us showed him smiling. She told my wife that he was great all day. It seems that he likes school but doesn’t like going to school.
The next couple of mornings were the same—lots of screaming, crying, and kicking. We had to come up with a plan.
The Plan
After hearing my son complain all weekend about how much he hated school, my wife came up with a plan to incentivize good behavior. My son is currently obsessed with the Super Mario Brothers. He has watched the movie a dozen times. We play Mario Kart most nights. He just thinks Mario and his friends are the best. My wife found a 20-pack of Mario-themed keychains online. The plan was simple: if he had a good drop off then he would get a keychain; if he had a bad drop off then he would lose a keychain.
We’re only a few days into the plan but so far it’s working. I hate to bribe my kid with material things but if that’s what it takes for him to have an excellent start to the day and school year, then I’m all for it.
This parenting thing doesn’t get easier. I know that because my parents told me. But once you think you figure out your kid, you get hit with a curveball and have to adapt. Luckily our son is extremely expressive and lets us know what he does and doesn’t like. My wife and I just want the best for him without it being too miserable.
If you have any experience with a similar situation then please comment on this article or respond to the email. I’m genuinely curious about how to incentivize a young child without enabling poor behavior.
And if you don’t have any advice, I still appreciate you reading my articles.
Bribery is an underrated parenting skill! Eventually he won’t need the keychains. We’re doing something similar to get our 7-year-old to ride his bike. I had a really hard time with first grade, I remember similarly refusing to leave the car. And I eventually got over it and turned out okay--well okayish at least!
Man, we're about to send our big one to school in a few weeks. A little nervous. He's thrilled. We'll see! Good luck!