Quitting Caffeine: An Overwhelming Feeling of Anxiety

The peaks and valleys of my daily emotions are now closer to the center.

My third son was born seven months ago. Having experienced the excitement and stress of a baby delivery two times prior, I figured number three would be a cakewalk. Oh, boy, was I wrong. The past seven months have been some of the most trying times of my life.

There weren’t any complications with the pregnancy or delivery. In fact, our third son’s delivery was the least stressful of the three. The stressful part came a couple of weeks after he arrived. The reality that I now have three little beings who need me to survive and thrive washed over me as soon as I arrived home with my wife and baby. 

My ever-growing responsibilities became a reality when the sleepless nights were compounded by the daily duties of caring for two other young children. When my oldest was born, it felt like there was an on-off switch. My wife and I would take turns caring for the baby while the other slept or took care of the house. Now there is no switch.

I’m not complaining though. I’m merely setting the stage for what I did to cope with my new reality. To cope with the loss of sleep, I turned to caffeinated drinks to get me through each day. This strategy is well and good until your sleeplessness catches up to you. It’s like using credit cards to bridge financial gaps—eventually, you’re going to have to pay the bill.

And I paid the bill dearly with my health due to my caffeine addiction. 

The Spiral

I’m always amazed by how quickly I can adjust to uncomfortable situations. After a few weeks with the new baby, I began to doubt that I had previously lived any other kind of life. You often hear people talk about being in “survival mode.” And that’s no joke because you’re doing everything you can to keep the ship afloat. 

Turning to caffeine is a temporary solution to a problem. I am tired, I don’t have time to sleep, so I’ll replace the lost sleep with a caffeinated beverage. Easy. But I wasn’t having just one serving of caffeine in the morning and calling it good. I was having another drink around lunch, and then another one later in the afternoon.

Falling to sleep took longer than it should for a guy with a new baby at home and two other kids. And when I fell asleep, my sleep was anything but restful. I would subconsciously lay on my stomach with my hands under my pillow. This would cause my left arm to go numb and wake me up. After several weeks of this, I started to have lingering pain in my left arm.

Around March I read lots of articles about sleep posture. I spent lots of time forcing myself to sleep on my back and occasionally on my side. After three weeks, I had mostly broken my habit of stomach sleeping.

But did I quit drinking caffeine? Nope.

I was now sleeping with better posture but my sleep wasn’t restful. I was restless and anxious about anything and everything. My nerve issues persisted with my left arm too, which made it difficult to do my job. I pushed through all of the exhaustion and discomfort by drinking more caffeine. Again, this was always a short-term solution but I didn’t realize how bad things would get.

An Overwhelming Feeling of Anxiety

I am not an anxious person. I’ve dealt with depression most of my adult life but I know how to manage it. I didn’t know how to respond once I started feeling overly anxious. I was in the shower one afternoon when I began to feel a strong sense of dread. My heart rate quickened and I felt like the walls around me were closing in. 

This experience freaked me out. It happened in the late afternoon after I had been taking care of my kids all day while my wife was at work. I had drank a couple of caffeinated drinks that day due to another sleepless night. I believe the stress, exhaustion, and caffeine created a perfect storm of dread and anxiety. 

I was so freaked out that I scheduled an appointment with my doctor for the next week. To be fair, I have a history of neurotic behavior going back as long as I can remember, my mother can attest to this. I’ve been able to cope with a lot of my struggles through exercise, reading, and breathing. But the sensation I felt was entirely new to me.

My doctor assured me that I was healthy. He gave me some recommendations to combat some of my health issues, which unsurprisingly consisted of eating a healthy diet, exercising, drinking water, and getting enough sleep. I was extremely out of balance and was dealing with the consequences of my bad habits. 

Quitting Caffeine 

I did more research and came up with a plan to quit caffeine. For the first week, I would continue to drink something in the morning but wouldn’t have anything after noon. My goal was to consume fewer than 100mg of caffeine for the day. The first week went by well with no real withdrawals or symptoms.

For the second week, I would half my morning intake—about 50mg—and not consume any caffeine for the rest of the day. This is when the struggle started to feel real. By 3 p.m. I was tired and longed for a pick-me-up. I resisted and stuck to my plan.

For the third week, I cut caffeine out completely. I replaced my morning caffeine fix with water or seltzer water. This was when I started to feel the worst. I was tired all day. My focus was completely out of whack. I had an overwhelming feeling of apathy. I was lethargic. Doing the simplest tasks felt like running a mile. 

On week four, things started to normalize. I don’t feel that pangs of withdrawal. I don’t have cravings and I certainly don’t feel anxious. Yes, there are moments when having a little more zip in my mornings and afternoons would be nice. In general, the volume feels like it’s been turned down. Things aren’t as intense—good and bad.

The Benefits I’ve Had Quitting Caffeine

The most obvious benefit I’ve had since quitting caffeine is in my sleep. By 9 p.m. I’m yawning profusely. I have to almost drag myself to the bathroom to brush and floss my teeth. And I’m out within a few minutes of my head hitting the pillow. And when I’m asleep, I’m staying asleep all night.

The peaks and valleys of my daily emotions are closer to the center. My overall mood is mellow. I no longer get that rush in the morning after drinking caffeine but I no longer get an afternoon crash either. I enjoy winding down my day by reading until I can’t focus anymore. That’s when I know it’s time to call it a day.

My resting heart rate is lower. When I was drinking caffeine regularly, my resting heart rate was usually around 52 bpm. My resting heart rate is now around 48 bpm. A calmer heart rate means I feel less anxious. I have a lower feeling of existential dread. The work I do feels like it has more meaning.

I’m saving money by drinking mostly water. I used to buy a 24-pack of sugar-free Red Bull for $36. Less money on caffeinated drinks means more money for watches! I spoke to a colleague who told me they spend around $200 per month on coffee. That’s $2,400 per year. Think about what you could do with an extra $2,400.

Next Steps

I feel like I’m over the hill with my caffeine addiction. I enjoy sensing reality without the filter of a substance. And let’s be honest caffeine is a drug. Why else would I be so addicted to it? I don’t disparage anybody who chooses to drink caffeine. I personally couldn’t hang anymore but I wish those of you who can the best of luck.

I’m striving to be a healthy person. I owe it to myself and my family. I’m a better father when I’m not distracted or dependent on a substance. I’ve been able to reduce my intake of processed foods and sugar substantially, too. Being made aware that something isn’t right within you is a jarring revelation. It also can serve as a catalyst for change. I don’t want to feel like garbage. I don’t want to feel like anything is my master. Control can take many forms and whenever I feel like something has control over me, I do my best to make the necessary changes. 

If you’re struggling with an addiction, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Make an appointment with your doctor, call a friend—do something to start the process of improving your health. Our bodies are the only place we have to live so it’s in our best interest to take care of it.

As always, I appreciate your attention.