I was known as the “quiet guy” at my last job. I worked as a web developer and marketer for a health care system, which required me to go into a hospital once a week. I like to keep a low profile and be virtually invisible when it comes to interacting with professional colleagues. My motto is to speak only as much as necessary—nothing less and nothing more.
To some of you who know me, labeling me as a “quiet” person is probably the last adjective you’d use to describe my character. One of my uncles used to tell me that I have the gift of gab.
I wasn’t always the quiet guy. As a kid, I was always told to be quiet. Parent-teacher conferences were always the worst because my teachers would undoubtedly tell my parents that I talked too much during class. I was known to be a disruptor of learning and it bothered me. But I couldn’t seem to shake my need to talk.
I believe my compulsion to talk comes from my curiosity with the world around me. I’ve always been able to retain lots of information, whether it be trivial or significant. And with all of this information bouncing around in my head I just had to tell somebody about it.
For example, around the fourth grade I became obsessed with the sinking of the Titanic. I read Robert Ballard’s book several times and could recite any fact about the great ship. What I soon learned was that most people weren’t interested in the Titanic, and they didn’t want to be quizzed about it either.
As I grew older my talking only seemed to increase. I was an awful student in high school. I didn’t feel challenged and I didn’t want to be there. I always found other kids who felt the same way so we would naturally talk in class. This was a vicious cycle of getting reprimanded for talking because I was bored and it was exhausting.
For the longest time I thought something was wrong with me. I’ve always felt “different” compared to everyone else. So eventually I started to turn my personality down when I was around people I didn’t know well, or when I was in professional situations.
My life became more manageable the less I talked and expressed myself. But I’ve felt like I’ve been extremely inauthentic to myself for years. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing though. I understand that it’s important to grow up and act my age, especially in a professional environment but I still feel the impulse to talk about random things I’m interested in.
I do have a select number of people in my life where I let my guard down and indulge in talking but even then I feel guilty like I need to tone things down. That’s not to say that I talk nonstop to the point where people can’t get a word in because I pride myself on being a good conversationalist. Listening is more important than speaking. And I genuinely find other people’s stories interesting.
I’ve found writing to be the most constructive outlet to express my thoughts and ideas. My past year of writing here on Substack has helped me clear my mind in a way that I never thought was possible. What I’ve learned about myself through my writing is that my compulsion to talk is just like anything else we face. Whether that be eating, watching too much TV, or exercising, it all takes work.
I’m a work in progress that will never be complete and that’s OK. I’m grateful that I’ve had the self awareness to correct a behavior that can be annoying to other people. Instead of dumping my thoughts and ideas on everyone, I have you lovely people to share my rumination with.
For most people, I’ll continue to be the quiet guy who mostly keeps to himself. I like it that way because it makes my life more manageable and simple. I’ll be spending more of my time taking in my surroundings and listening to what’s being said. But I’ll always want to gush about things I’m obsessed with.
Thank you all for reading and allowing me to be myself.
I loved this post. Is getting excited and wanting to talk non-stop about a particular interest a kid thing? My 8-year-old constantly wants to talk about Pokemon and dragons. I'm not sure what it would have been for me as a kid. I'd have to ask my parents. I want to say I had a lot of interests. Cats, maybe?
You definitely have the gift of gab!!