Zero Expectations
We suffer because we fail to distinguish between what is in our control and what is not.
It’s Halloween night and I’m sitting on a stool, next to a half-filled bathtub trying to convince my kids to get in. We’re not trick-or-treating. We’re not going to a party. Instead, we’re all at home sick with a cold.
I’m not happy about my situation but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’d rather be out trick-or-treating with my kids. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. It’s the last holiday of the year that has zero expectations besides having fun.
But here I sit writing this on my phone while I wait for my kids to get in the bath.
I’m not mad about my situation. As I’ve grown in age and wisdom, I try to expect as little to nothing from anything and everything. I find that I’m much happier this way. Couple my lack of expectations with not comparing myself to others and I’m well on my to becoming a saint.
I read a fair amount of Stoic philosophy to help me cope with life. The core tenet of Stoicism is focusing on what’s in our control versus what isn’t.
I think it’s OK to feel disappointed but that should be the extent of our laminations toward a less-than-desired outcome. Taking care of sick children is a lot of work. The work compounds when you yourself are sick. As I descend down the path of self-pity I have to remind myself that this isn’t so bad.
Even when the whole family is sick we still have much to be grateful for. There was a time in my life when I lacked many of the luxuries I currently have. I remember being sick in December 2008 while I was living in Toluca, Mexico, which sits at an elevation of 8,730 feet. I didn’t have hot water to bathe with. I didn’t have anybody to take care of me. The space heater I had kept the room above just above freezing. I wallowed for 24 hours while lying atop an old twin mattress on the floor. Those were rough times that taught me to appreciate what I have—good and bad.
All of these things that happen to us are good. Jocko Willink’s speech GOOD is a helpful reminder that we can always pivot from a negative situation to a better one. We just have to view our setbacks through a positive lens.
I view my life through a zero-expectations lens, which helps me focus on what I can control. Halloween happens every year. All I can do is hope that everyone in my family is healthy for next year's festivities.
Until then, I’m going to enjoy snuggling with my kids because I know that experience is much more limited than trick-or-treating.
Thanks for reading, as always.
Great post Cory! One of my favorite quotes by Epictetus is "Just keep in mind: the more we value things outside our control, the less control we have." Do what you can with what you have where you are.