You Could Leave Life Right Now

Everyday is another opportunity to enjoy what’s in front of me—good and bad.

Momento Mori

Most days, I take a lunchtime walk to clear my mind and remove myself from technology. Walking is my favorite form of meditation. Thanks to this mid-day walk, I started writing again (almost two years ago!). As nice as it is to disconnect from technology and engage with nature, I get frustrated with my fellow citizens' lack of decency.

Walking without distractions lets me take in the environment as naturally as possible. This is a good thing because many other people are moving through the world with as many distractions as possible. I encountered one of these people while I was crossing a street. I was at a three-way stop with crosswalks at each stop sign. I looked around and proceeded to cross. As I was halfway across the street, I noticed an older Nissan Hardbody pickup truck rapidly approaching where I would be walking. I slowed down because I didn’t see any sign of braking. My friend was with me and he told me to stop. Luckily, the driver noticed us—not the stop sign—and hit their brakes, stopping at the edge of the crosswalk. 

I waved as I passed but my friend made gestures to the driver that implied “What are you doing?!” He then told me that he thought I was going to get hit. But from my point of view, I didn’t see things that way. I was prepared to let the truck pass through the stop sign while I stood and watched from the crosswalk. I told my friend that I expect this kind of driving anymore. I was prepared to stop if the truck kept approaching, but he was upset by the experience.

Our exchange had me thinking that maybe my own judgment of the situation was entirely off since my friend was behind me and saw things unravel from a different angle. Regardless, I was appreciative of my friend’s concern for me and I told him that I would be more dutiful and less trusting when I crossed the street.

On my way home from work, I was thinking about what had happened on my walk and how lucky I was. My mind kept going back to the Marcus Aurelius quote in Meditations, “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” I felt a sense of melancholy. How could I have been so careless, or trusting, to assume that nothing would happen to me while crossing a street? People are unfortunately hit everyday by cars. It’s a sad fact of life. Awful things happen everyday. I’m not exempt from the capricious nature of the world.

As I rocked my youngest son to sleep that night, I kept thinking about how lucky I was that I didn’t get hit. I was able to return home unharmed to play with my kids and kiss my wife. But all of that could have ended for me had things been different by only a few seconds. Maybe I should have been more upset in the moment instead of brushing the ordeal off like I was in control. Because then again, maybe I wasn’t?

Close encounters and loss always bring life into an acute perspective. What really matters? What’s actually important? I love writing about music, watches and cars but none of those things matter. They’re distractions that can be fun. I have to remind myself when I get too distracted from what’s actually important in my life.

The Stoics used the mantra of Momento Mori, which means “remember, you’re going to die.” There’s no escaping this fact—any of us could leave life right now independent of our actions. That’s why I think it’s imperative to be a good person and to treat others with respect. You just never know what fate will do but at least I can be prepared. 

All of this goes back to being present. I struggle with being present—especially when there are so many exciting things to do and see. My life is not my past or the future, it’s today, it’s this very moment. Everything in my life consists of now so I might as well enjoy it. The Daily Dad recently had an article quoting John Mayer where he said something quite profound:

Never wish for less time. Waiting for things to be over is just wishing for less time. Waiting for this to be over to get to the next thing—that’s just wishing for less time…Everything you love and hate leaves at the same speed: Done. Done. Done.

The thing you hate that you have to do tomorrow will be over before you know it, and the thing you’re looking forward to tomorrow will be over before you know it…So wherever you go, just make a home right there and do that thing.

Everyday is another opportunity to enjoy what’s in front of me—good and bad. There’s always something to gain from an experience that will benefit me in the future. Whenever my kids want to play the same video game repeatedly with me, I say yes. When my youngest wants to read Goodnight Moon for the seventh time that day, I say yes. When I get the opportunity to play with my kids at the same park, week after week, I say yes.

I say yes because I know all of this will go away, hopefully much later than sooner.