Sisyphus from Greek mythology is one of my personal heroes. Here’s a guy who was a king only to be punished for cheating death twice by Hades. His punishment: rolling a boulder up a hill—only to watch it roll back down once reaching the top—for eternity. So why would a guy like Sisyphus be a heroic figure to me? Because his story helps me understand my own life in a broader and profound way.
The Task
For the past six years and change, I’ve lived essentially two days. For the first day, I wake up and work for a living, and for the second day, I wake up and take care of my kids. After a while, I feel like I’m riding the same roller coaster on repeat. None of this is a bad thing but what I’ve noticed is that if I’m not careful, time will move quicker than I want.
Raising children is the most challenging thing I’ve ever done. Just when I think I’ve figured something out another variable in the equation changes. One child starts to sleep through the night when another child is bathroom training. Things are rarely at homeostasis—and if it is then it doesn’t last long.
Changing diapers, making dinner, driving to school, going to the park, reading the same books, and watching the same shows all start to feel like a Sisyphean task. But it isn’t really. See, Sisyphyus’ work is not only laborious but it’s also futile. There’s literally no result from his work beyond the work. With raising kids, there’s a reward to the work. I don’t see it now but I know it’s there.
The Reward
I know my parents read these articles and I have to assume that when they read some of my articles, they feel like they’re getting a return on all of the work they did. I know I would enjoy reading my child’s creative work. Ryan Holiday often speaks about the “Crowded Table” in his writing.
And if you want a crowded table, you’ll need to make the right decisions now so they’ll want to make the decision to fly from their homes to yours when they’re older and have families of their own. You’ll have to plant a little happiness, give a little love, if that’s what you want to reap.
Whenever I’m looking down the barrel of another long and rewarding weekend with my kids, I have to remind myself that I’m raising people. I want to raise the kind of people that I would be proud of, who I would want to be around, and hopefully, they’ll want to be around me.
All of this starts with my wife and I, and how we speak, interact with, treat, and help our children. What ultimately will stand out is the example I set for them. Whenever I think back to my grandparents and parents, I can’t remember every profound thing they said. But I remember their habits and way of living—those patterns that one adopts day in and day out.
The Work Produces The Goal
Tedium tends to be a theme with me. I don’t know what it is but I love a long, tedious slog. Whether it be doing a listening challenge, driving a great distance, walking far, or doing repetitive tasks, I find meaning in the process. I’ve talked about this at length with what Chop Wood, Carry Water means to me but it bears repeating: we are a collection of our daily experiences. That’s it. We don’t have anything beyond the present.
I’ve made myself crazy before by worrying too much about the past and future. None of that worrying has done me any good. Being prepared is productive while worrying isn’t. The best way to prepare for the future is by working toward a goal. My wife and I have lots of personal and familial goals. We know that the season of life we’re in won’t last forever. We know that our kids will need more time and resources as they get older. The foundation we’re laying down now will enable our family to do more in the future.
But I would be lying if I didn’t find all of this work to be exhausting.
Back to the Boulder
Stories like that of Sisyphus, Wu Gang, and Viktor Frankl help me see beyond my daily struggles while also helping me to enjoy them at the same time. Unlike Sisyphus, my work has a much deeper meaning beyond the action itself. Raising my kids is definitely not a punishment. My sons bring me a unique enjoyment that I can’t purchase anywhere. They each have their own personalities and ways of viewing the world that make me think about how I do things.
As we each push our own boulders daily, please take a moment to reflect on why you are pushing. What result do you wish to achieve from all of this effort? Are you merely pushing the boulder because it feels like a punishment? If so, what are you going to do that makes the work you’re doing produce a desirable result?
Like always, I appreciate everyone who reads these articles. Publishing a weekly article feels like a Sisyphean task at times but you all make the work worth it.
Thanks.
Great article. I remember those busy days of raising kids and I have definitely been rewarded. You are a wonderful father